Over the weekend at Calgary Expo I had the chance to meet Misha Collins.
I had participated in G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S 2012 and my favourite from the item list was the Elmo Gone Wrong: What would a Tickle-Me-Elmo look like if it had a serious crystal meth problem?
I am mentally ill . I have a severe case of depression , anxiety, insomnia , and Suicidal tendencies.I was hospitalized for over a month this year because of a suicide attempt where I almost drowned myself.
G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S was really really hard for me , I basically didn’t sleep for a week , I got a third degree burn courtesy of a glue gun ,But I finished 18 items for my team and I was so proud. I had the time of my life , and I wanted to thank Misha for pushing me out of my boundaries and seeing how far I could go. And man, I went far , illness or not.
When it was time for my photo I was shaking pretty bad , but I had already decided to be super casual about the photo anyway. As soon as I got in there Misha’s eyes widened and he made grabby hands for The Elmo , or as he liked to call him Crackmo. He kept repeating that it was “so nice” and “wow!” as he flipped it around looking at all the little details. He made a joke about the sugar I had burned in the pipe , saying “that better not be what I think it is!” I told him it was burnt sugar and reminded him that we were supposed to be taking a photo as he seemed to have forgotten. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he briefly gave me a side glance , more than likely because I was trembling pretty bad.We took the photo seen above , where of course , being Misha he pulled a quizzical look , when in reality he was as excited as a five year old at Christmas. After the photo I thanked him and he continued to play with Crackmo repeating “Wow!” and “so nice!” several times more. What a dork <3
Later that day I was in line for his Autographs , I was trembling and the farther I got in line , the more I started to shake. It had been the conventions longest day. I was mentally and physically at the weakest I have probably ever been in my life , and the line was jam packed and people kept brushing into me even though I was hunched as far into myself as I could possibly be. To be honest I was five seconds away from a panic attack , but it was to late to turn back.
As soon as Misha saw me he smiled his big old smile and said “My Elmo Girl!!!” which I smiled at as he signed my name with his classic heart afterward. Once he was done I went to grab the photo , my hands and whole body shaking. And I managed to blurt out:
” I just want to say Thank you , I have um se-severe depression and anxiety , b-but G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S was really fun although challenging , Th-thank you. Oh god I-i’m sh-shaking real b-bad, s-s-sorry”
At that point I was shaking like a leaf and ready to bolt , but he still had my photo in his hands. And he kinda looked pensive , and thought for a moment. Then he told me that I was not the first person who had told him this , and unfortunately I would not be the last ,but he was so proud that his fans still try so hard despite the disadvantages they may have.
At that point the volunteer managing the autographs kind of pushed the next persons photo in front of him , and he kinda looked at her , and then looked at me , as if caught between a rock and a hard place. And he basically said ” You get what i’m trying to say right?” The poor bastard looked so helpless I kind of gave a breathy laugh and said yeah. I told him , how good it was to meet him , and then he looked me right in the eye with a small smile said “You to. Good Luck.”
So to any of Misha’s fans out there who suffer from Mental/physical disorders and illness , stay strong , and just remember when your feeling low , that Misha is so damn proud of us. And as he said to me , I now say to you: G O O D L U C K
Stay strong ,